The Hills Are Alive...

My darling sister is getting married. At just a year older than me, we’ve metamorphosed at similar times. From gap toothed grinning children to somewhat feisty, creative adults we gained and shed our plump chrysalises, found fulfilling careers and fell in love. And 18 months after J and I tied the knot, she’s now the blissful bride-to-be.

My other two sisters and I have been asked to be bridesmaids. Cue celebration! Tears! Hugging etc! But now that talk has turned sartorial, the jubilant mood has deflated, pin-pricked by fiendish pride and vanity…

Naturally, we (the united front of bridesmaids) want to wear something silky and slinky.
Whereas she (the indomitable Bride) would like us in something less…diverting.

Of course The Bride - much like the proverbial Customer - is always right. She’s impervious to pleas and resistant to challenge. Traditionally, it’s her vision, her show. Complaining would be feeble and futile.

But The Bride has recently upped the ante, and our imperceptible squeaks of protest are turning into squawks. She’s marrying an Austrian, with the wedding taking place in the Tyrolean mountains. The latest demand is that she wants us in full traditional Austrian dress - the dirndl.

Comprised of frilly blouse with puff ball sleeves, calf skimming dress and frumpy apron, the look is part beer maid, part fish wife - and completely humiliating. Trawling through Heidi outfits on the internet I’m furious with tradition and etiquette. The cruelty of it! We bridesmaids have held numerous summit meetings about how to skilfully change her mind without upsetting her, but the situation seems hopeless.

I do a little investigating into wedding traditions and discover that brides have long been considered vulnerable to evil spirits. So, in Roman times, bridesmaids were roped in to surround her and confuse the spirits. (It’s for the same reason that a bride hides behind a veil.)

It’s amazing that so many of these superstitions have survived: carrying the bride over the threshold (its bad luck if she trips into the house), the giving of almonds (for luck) the throwing of confetti/rice (for fertility)… 

And then in among the diktats I find my trump card.

To ensure maximum spirit confusion, Roman law stipulated that bridesmaids wore identical dresses to the bride. Bye-bye dumpy dirndl, hello glorious white, silken extravaganza!  I mean, do I dare throw this into the ring? Of course not. That might mean she’d have to honour another shelved custom I found: Her new husband tapping his shoe on her forehead to show who’s in control…

I’ll have to swallow my pride, and obey The Bride. As a gift, she’s asked me for one of my personalised trays using a photo collage from the ceremony. Normally this is one of my favourite items to prepare for clients – a handcrafted tulip wood tray holding memories of their party, wedding or honeymoon ( hugely popular – these are always a conversation starter as drinks are served!) This time, with my Heidi look officially captured on camera, it won’t be quite so gratifying to make it. Unless I can dodge the photographer in my dirndl all day…


Scarlett Willow