Chocolate is the Answer

The last two weeks, I’ve had my work cut out for me. I’ve been agony aunt, tissue giver, hand holder, confidence booster, positive thinker, and – most implausibly – man mind reader. My friend L. just got unceremoniously dumped by ‘the One’ - by email, the coward. She thought he was in love. She thought he might propose. She’s not been thinking straight. Her fall has been epic, because she spent the last 6 months floating on a love cloud - and there’s not much oxygen up there.

We all saw it coming. We tried to warn her, but she was like a heat-seeking missile, hell bent on matrimony. Now she’s a burst balloon, and I’ve had to scrape her up off the floor. Rather than let her fester in her flat (which is what she was on course to do) I opted for distraction. I had two tickets to a premiere in London’s Leicester Square, and my husband J got the boot.

I called and invited her. Her voice was raspy from wailing. Between the sniffles, she considered my offer. The film was called ‘The Bounty Hunter’, and as she’d been seeking solace in industrial quantities of chocolate, it seemed to strike a chord. My promise of meeting its star - Gerard Butler - in the beefy flesh, closed the deal. The following evening, I went to her flat and transformed an unkempt lump of misery into a glossy, snot-free stunner.
We arrived on the red carpet and the screams were earsplitting. Gerard Butler and Jennifer Aniston were wrapped around each other for the frenzied delight of the photographers. I considered nudging my friend into the background, so that her ex might see a paper in the morning and choke on his coffee - she was luminescent and he’d lost her (aka the Kate Middleton strategy.)
Credit where it’s due, Jen looked incredible too: that hair, a teensy little Valentino dress, and the most toned and honed body I’d seen in real life. With lithe Jen literally hanging off him, Gerard wore a satisfied smirk. Both were busy fuelling the romance rumours (snap, snap – ker-ching!). Whether true or (most likely) not, the poster-girl for break-up survival looked like she was having a ball. My friend L. was impressed, perhaps even a little inspired...
…Although not yet ready to kiss goodbye to carbs. Under cover of darkness, we worked our way through popcorn and maltesers (I’d promised to support her through this ordeal – that meant sharing the pain and the calories.) The movie was a funny, action-packed heart-melter, and with great relief, I heard the familiar cackle of my friend throughout.
As the lights rose, her face fell. Would there be a happy ending for her? We decided to stand up Gerard at the after-party, and head back to my house. We shook off our killer heels, and she hugged the sofa as I made her a hot chocolate (now I’m catering to her cocoa obsession.) Placing it on one of my heart coasters, she sighed, ‘The closest thing to my heart now is chocolate…’
I thought for a moment.
‘Well it’s rich, dark and very smooth… ’
There went that cackle again.


Scarlett Willow